Clueless Scientists Conduct a Diet Study

As you know from reading the Weight Loss Journey section of this website, I have struggled with my weight for my entire life. There is not a weight loss program in existence that I have not tried. Weight Watchers, Diet Workshop, Atkins, 900 calorie a day restriction, Physician’s Weight Loss, Jenny Craig, Richard Simmon’s Deal a Meal, Slimfast Shakes. The list is endless. I was unable to stick to any of them because I was always starving on them. Lunchtime seemed to be my breaking point. Depending upon which diet I was attempting at any given time, I ate all of my Weight Watcher points by lunchtime; used up all of my Deal a Meal Cards by lunchtime; drank all of my allotted Slimfast Shakes by lunchtime; or ate all 900 calories by lunchtime.

That left a lot of hungry eating time until I went to bed, which I managed to fill by “borrowing” points, cards, shakes, and calories from the next day. It apparently was not a wise move, as I never lost a pound on any of these programs. Truth be told, I actually gained weight on them. Satisfying my starving stomach always won out over points, calories, and cards. Always. Every single time.

Then there was the time that I woke from gum surgery with stitches in every section of my gums. Wow, thought this chronic dieter. This is GREAT. I won’t be able to eat. I may lose some weight out of this. After 2 days of living exclusively on Slimfast shakes, I was so hungry that I could not function. I was lightheaded, dizzy, and my stomach felt like holes were being drilled into it. Adding a quart of ice cream to every Slimfast “meal” and a triple serving of pudding for every snack solved that problem. I returned to the dentist to have the stitches removed and announced that I had learned something important that week. Slimfast is NOT a meal. As a comedian I once saw said………Slimfast is great…………with pie.

So it was with interest that I turned up my radio on the way to work one morning when I heard the newscaster report about a scientific diet study that had just been completed.

Scientists…….apparently skinny ones who had never had weight issues that required dieting, had studied two groups of dieters. They gave these dieters two different strict diets to follow. One was high carbohydrate, low fat. The other was a Keto/Atkins type of high fat, low carbohydrate. At the end of a certain time frame (about 6 months), each person’s weight was checked. The results were confusing to the scientists.  In both groups, some dieters lost a reasonable amount of weight…….about 25 lbs. But in both groups, other dieters lost barely anything. How could this be, thought the scientists. The diets were sound. The scientists were stumped. Why did certain people from each group not lose weight?

The reporter went on to say that the scientists then gave their subjects a survey to fill out, pleading for honesty. The survey results surprised the scientists. Apparently, the dieters who did not lose weight………………..CHEATED ON THE DIET.

I nearly drove off the road.

Hundreds of thousands of dollars were spent on this research study. They could have saved themselves a massive amount of money by simply asking me why dieters don’t lose weight. I would have given them their definitive answer……………THEY CHEAT………..and I would have done it for a mere $100,000.