A PANDEMIC THANKSGIVING

*****NOTE: I am taking a break from whimsy this week to post a serious, heartfelt Thanksgiving blog…..some of my thoughts on the difficulties we have faced during this unprecedented year and how we move forward.

No one should ever be alone on Thanksgiving. Our table has room for anyone who needs a place to go. That was the creed by which mother lived. It was what we were taught from our high-chairs, and it is one I have lived by my entire life. It was never a problem to set an extra place at the table in our home. As for the food, my mother, throughout my childhood, and I, when I became an adult, did not know how to cook a Thanksgiving meal for less than an army, no matter how many people were expected.

This Thanksgiving, however, is one like none other I or any of us have ever experienced. The desire to gather around the table with family we see often, family we see rarely, and friends from far and near is greater this year of forced separation than ever before.

The desire, actual human need, really, to feel arms around us, hugging us, is palpable in this year of forced distance. We not only crave the need to hold and feel our relatives and friends in our arms, we physically and emotionally NEED it, according to all of the scientists who study this sort of thing.

Many of us were faced with an unimaginably difficult decision this year. Do we travel through crowded airports with massive amounts of strangers and sanitary conditions out of our control, thus possibly catching the virus ourselves or unwittingly bringing it to our relatives? Do we stay home and away from loved ones we have not seen in at least a year, or do we opt for the risk and travel?

Given my recent history of life-threatening health crises, I made the decision that staying alive and not unknowingly bringing a deadly virus to my relatives was more important than being with them in person. The accompanying emotions related to this decision were, unsurprisingly, anger, sadness, and loneliness.

I was unreasonably angry at a situation I did not create, over which I had no control, and which would eventually pass. I was sad that I could not see and hug my son, whom I have not seen in person in a year and a half. I was sad that I could not hug and kiss 6 little munchkins, aka, my great-nieces and nephews, whom I have not seen in two years, due to my illness preventing me from traveling for Thanksgiving last year. And finally, as a widow, I live with loneliness on a daily basis but am afforded a respite from it every year on Thanksgiving when I visit my sister in Chicago.

The house is full of wildly active, vocal kids, each one anxious to jump on my bed and tell me all at once about their busy lives. They are a warm, loving bunch, free with hearty, squeezable hugs. And the dogs………….between my sister and my two nephews, there are 4 dogs, two of which are rambunctious puppies I have not yet met.

I recorded and sent a special video message to each child, assuring them that I would visit as soon as it was safe. I personalized the messages, referencing each child’s unique preference for their choice of craft project that I always do with them each year. They have an eclectic set of interests. One is into pirates; another loves unicorns; another crafts objects out of duct tape (Duct tape? Yes, duct tape), and so forth down the line.

So yes, my decision meant that I was missing a lot. But then I looked around me and decided to focus on the positive. I spent my Thanksgiving with two of my “Bubble Buddies” who were not able to be with their families either in this unprecedented life-altering year.

We collaborated on cooking a traditional Thanksgiving meal, shared both Catholic and Jewish prayers at the table, and with love and sincerity, gave thanks for being blessed to have such good friends who have each other’s backs at every turn. Both of them have been with me in the ER on separate occasions, and one is literally the reason I am alive today.

We agreed that as horrifying, straining, and isolating as this pandemic is, we can put up with a year or so of inconvenience in exchange for 80+ years of living. We will get through this.

Then a surprise for me when I returned home. The kids were so excited and happy with the videos I sent that they insisted on a FaceTime call with me. They drew pictures for me, danced, sang, showed me all of their stuffed animals, and displayed a perceptive understanding of the situation we are in, considering their ages of 3 to 11. It was a perfect ending to what turned out to be one of my best Thanksgivings.

I do hope you were able to turn your Thanksgiving into a positive experience, regardless of whatever your situation was during this Pandemic Holiday.

Back to whimsy for my next blog, which will address some of the ways in which this Pandemic has changed me.  (Am I the only one who counts her toilet paper rolls at the beginning of every month?)